Needlepoint Enthusiast T-Shirts

'We will need a standard resume in addition to this beautiful needlepoint recommendation from your mother.'

Never give up! Unless it's really h.....

Before Powerpoint Presentations

Knit One, Pearl One, Drop One.

Arts and crafts

I love embroidery

Guru about mountaintop covering: 'My wife knitted it.'

The latest craze in party games: needlepoint charades.

"Sure. I know of a haystack on the edge of town where you'll be safe until the heat dies down."

'All right, who sewed in the disposable diaper?'

Acupuncture clinic

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

'Maybe we could put our knitting down until the examination is over.'

'And you all thought I didn't have a hobby.'

'Aside from your plastic canvas projects, what else have you been doing since you retired?'

Nurse playing darts with syringes.

Pin Cushion to roll of cotton: 'Hi! I'm a pin cushion! I love my job!' Pin Cushion's reply: 'MASOCHIST!'

"I have bad news, but it's in bullet points!"

'He's trained to the laser pointer.'

'How long have you been out of work? I've never seen a resume prepared in needlepoint.'

"Can you come back with that three year study summarised in six or less powerpoint bulletpoints?"

'I'm trying homeopathcy, what are you trying?' 'Acupuncture!'

A woman needlepoints a barcode.

Acupunture Clinic opens next to a Ballon Animal shop.

"How may I hurt you?"

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupunture needles should go?"

Porcupine reading book on 'Needlepoint'

Be polite to your acupuncturist at all times. A basic life lesson hard learned.

Acupuncture darts.

'And a couple more should relieve your back-pain Sir...'

Porcupine Acupuncture

"Have you tried acupuncture. . .?"

Sewing Buddies

Two victorian women sitting on a bobbin

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Dear Sadie, I'm twelve years old and I still can't make a half-court shot in basketball. What should I do? - Moe. Moe, I know you want a quick fix, but there's no substitute for hard work. Master the half-court shot the way I mastered needle-point, practice five hours a day for seventy-five years … while giving your competitors backhanded compliments. With diligence, you'll eventually outlive anyone who knows your failings … which means they never