Neck Exercise Novice Pillows

"I hate the wide screen, but it's good exercise for my neck."

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Flyfishing for dummies.

"Is this the first time you've been fishing?"

"Sorry, but I don't know how to tie a Reef Knot. Give me a simple project, like building a computer."

'Don't you know that less packaging creates more waist?'

Why giraffes hate winter

'Don't try to turn tail and run. That's just what they want.'

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

Yoga Beginners Class. Breathe and stretch. That's Good. URGH! OOOF! "Yoga pants" should be something you wear and not something that happens because you can't catch your breath!

'That's the last time I'm sitting in the front row!'

"10,000 steps a day? I can do that."

"Oh, man, I forgot to stretch, ever."

"Since you're a computer geek, I suggest lifting the box the weights came in."

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

New You Plastic Surgery. That's right, doctor, I gave her the bill and her nose went right out of joint again.

Health Club Shop. DVD. Books. Do you have a simple guide to better abs? "Tummies for Dummies" would be good for you.

"Someday, God willing, they'll bring the stars down to our eye level so we don't have to strain our necks."

Hazard of texting

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway. (Published originally on March 27, 2009.)

'Tom just had his first workout at the gym.'

'Your first lesson is free.'

Free neck massages.

'Hereafter you sew your own buttons on your suits of armor. This is the tenth needle I've ruined tonight.'

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

'Be sexy! Wear a tie'

'I thought I gave you money to get your hair cut?'

Lazy man reading a fitness book.

"And I just found out I've been sitting backwards on the Ab Cruncher for months!"

"Now, Baldo, don't let your temper get the best of you. Do what I do. Sit in a comfortable chair and count to 100."

'So far, I've cleared my mind of everything except Angelina Jolie.'

V-Neck painter.

Getting in shape (or not)

'I've decided that I'm going to get more exercise. Could you get my barbells for me?'

The National Monument to Chiropractors Specializing in Neck Pain