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"How are my animal mascot teams doing?"

'It's a combination of March Madness,,, and Linsanity,'

The feeding frenzy has begun, gorging ourselves on bowl after bowl of college football.

Cheerleaders

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'What do you mean you didn't learn anything? You learned how to tackle, didn't you?'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

Tax What?!

Our coaches are from top college teams. Questions. Why aren't you in training? Sports Camp. Rotator cuff injury. Concussion. Back surgery. Counselor. Ok, campers. Let's show them what you've got! Excellent health insurance card representation!

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

Shaquille O'Neal donates his old socks to boy scouts.

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

'Ring around the rosey ...'

It's unlikely the "Deadly Sins" team from Hades University will go far in the basketball tourney. Wrath is suspended for arguing with the refs and sloth always skips practice. Pride puts too much pressure on himself and greed won't risk an injury that would blow his chances for a pro contract. Lust is distracted by the cheerleaders and Envy wants the shots all the other players are getting. Gluttony is the only player thriving in the tournament spotlight. Yeah, he just eats up all the atten

'Remember, your father may be here physically, but mentally he's attending the NCAA tournament.'

'So you're the referee who had the courage to call a Technical Foul on Bobby Knight.'

Forget about the college basketball tourney, endless drilling in 100-degree summer heat is the real "march madness."

'Coach - do you know the definition for 'losing coach''

'OK. Sometimes, after games, when I'm all alone? I... I like to dress up in a NBA uniform.'

"Gerald is retired, but during March Madness, he goes back to the office to play the college hoops sports pools."

"Just the, two recruiters from the college's awning leap team drove by."

NBA on strike.

"The doctor says you have an acute case of march Madness. Here's your bill."

'I didn't know trampling was a foul.'

'There's more to life than winning. There's also getting schools to pay you a share of their ticket and sports memorabilia sales.'

"His number is the amount of payola he received to play basketball for his college."

'No, I don't want to hear about it. I do not want to hear about it.'

"Sorry, Kevin, but 'March Madness' is not an official school holiday."

Wonderland Basketball. Wow! Lots of surprises going to the final four next week! How did the team with Goldilocks make it? Everything had to go just right! Rip van Winkle is a surprise, too. He hasn't been there in twenty years! And nobody can figure out how Hansel and Gretel found their way there. But I think the team with the wicked stepmother and her stepdaughter is the biggest shock! Yeah, it's a classic Cinderella story!

Dirk Nowitzki

University of Nebraska sold out for 375 games in a row but now is in danger of ending that due to poor performance.

The home crowd liked to honor the team whenever they scored a point.

It's nice to have a positive parents' night topic. College admissions. Hearing about drugs, depression and sexually transmitted diseases gets old. The 3 downer 'Ds'. Tonight we'll discuss your kids' futures in higher education. We'll cover drugs, depression, diseases and crushing debt. Correction. 4 'Ds'.

"Ain't it great to be back on campus again?"