Navigating Relationship Issues Pillows

"It's probably bad news if she refers to the second date as 'mission creep.' "

"What kind of fear am I dressing for tonight -- trembling, quaking, or just some casual gibbering?"

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'Great Therapy!'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"We don't talk anymore."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

Snow White and her husband go for counselling.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

DIY marriage counseling.

"When it comes to loving someone, I never seem to get it right."

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

Opinion Dislodgement Disorder (ODD).

Relationship Issues.

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

"See how controlling he is?!"

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

"She may be awhile. Her mother's helping her park."