Navigating In-laws T-Shirts

'My wife says there are two sides to every story, hers and her mother's.'

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

"Feel free to take notes."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

"I consider every member of our family to be like family."

“I have to warn you - my parents are a bit old-fashioned.”

"You may be in love, but can you support my daughter on what a herring makes?"

"Let's see if mom likes that super comfortable yoga mat we bought her."

"Attention, wanna-be son-in-law ... we're losing!"

First Steps

'See, Dear? Told you I'd make it fit!'

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

Stockwell's day

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

"If it slows down, just ask my father about the murder he always swears he did not commit."

"At least our son is marrying a doctor!"

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'It's only fair Geraldine. I had to meet your parents.'

'Mummy, Daddy, this is Dylan. Dylan's ambition is to make conkers a recognized Olympic sport.'

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

"Remember, they're just as afraid of you as you are of standing up to your mother."

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"Mum, Dad... I'd like you to meet my fiance, Goldilocks."

"He takes after your mother"

"I thought you'd take up something like gardening in your retirement, not parkour."

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

"Friend or foe?"

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

'How do you propose to support my daughter on the earnings of a tooth fairy?'