Nautical Humor Pillows

'Do I have a water pump? Sure! She's sitting over there!'

Sub Tattoo

Introducing: Eye-Quit. The Nicotine Patch for Pirates...

'Get the net ready, Alice. I think it's a big one.'

A huge shark is about to attack a small fishing boat and one of the guys is saying 'Listen... there's that creepy music again' as an orchestra of fish, crabs and an octopus play the theme from Jaws.

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

"I like my vodka like I like my ships - on the rocks!"

"That's the last time I buy a dog from a cartoonist."

Captain Hook getting his hook stuck in the rail, again

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

'How long have you operated multi-engines, sailor?'

"Will thee not sayeth uncle?!"

"This crew gets 15 miles to the pound of gruel. They're very fuel efficient."

"Ticket and passport, please."

"How can you feel queasy, we're barely out of port."

Tugboat tugging Iceberg

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

Man painting MOM on boat

'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Walking the Plank.

"With the benefit of hindsight, I’d say no, Ed, it wasn’t ‘funny’ letting him steer the boat!"

"Is a six pack enough? I can go back out."

'It followed me home, can I keep it?'

"Let’s draw him closer to New Bedford — we’ll get cell service there and Instagram the heck out of this!"

'I'm not scaring the fish - I'm WARNING the fish!'

'You should never wear a green parrot with a blue suit.'

"Don't trust his tail—I know a scallywag when I see one."

Fisherman selling sardines in oil, haddock in oil, cod in oil etc..

'I told you we should have unionized.'

'We're drifting apart.'

Raft with a 'Caution Wet!' sign.

'What do you mean the men are unhappy! What on earth gives you that idea?'

"Hey wader, there's a fly in my sloop"

"Nope, not a dock! Not a diving board! Guess again!"

"That one's for higher-skilled plank walkers."