Naturopaths Gifts

"I'm not feeling well. I'm picking up a few things at my pharmacy."

'Don't feel bad — all tree huggers get a splinter now and then.'

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"You're completely screwed up."

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"Look! A dying brain cell! Maybe we should help!...."

Admit it Doc. You're jealous because my home remedy worked better than your fancy prescription!

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

Vampire Day Job - Hypnotherapist

'We can try to fit it with an artificial limb.'

"There's nothing wrong with her. With e-mail, texting and tweeting, she just hasn't needed to learn to talk."

Don't Take No For an Answer

"May I remind you that my core worth as a human being remains constant, and isn't tied to external validation."

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

"Aren't you getting a little carried away with this herbal medicine, Doctor?"

Alternative Medicine.

Counselling Cash.

"No, I'm not asleep, but my foot is."

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

'It's anxiety. Don't worry, vitamin B happy.'

'St John's wort ambulance' - hippy ambulance.

"I like everything you suggest, except for the part where you count to three to wake me up. Can we just skip that part?"

'I'm taking you off the herbal tea.'

"This isn't what I had in mind. . ."