Nature Motivator T-Shirts

'Mr. Hartley, the motivational speaker is here to talk to your plants.'

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

GCSEs

Chicken soup for the sole.

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

'Did you just hear that? We are now and endangered species and mating is now our top priority!'

'I made my own list of My World's 100 Most Powerful Women!'

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

'Ahhhh?I love the smell of a staff meeting in the morning!'

"This is just SO like him. For years, I begged him to straighten up and fly right, and when he finally DID, it was right into a picture window!"

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

'Would you like a push Dear?'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"I want you to learn from my mistakes."

'Yeah, the carrot helps, but coffee is what gets me going in the morning...'

Hedgehog Mortuary.

The 6 A.M. News Team

Every Day is a Gift

"It's Friday and the boss put 3 sugars in his coffee! It's going to be a good day."

'Lose weight or you're through as a western star!'

"You should have been here at eight o'clock."

"Why would I sign up for a marathon? Well, Coubertin said it best: "the most important thing is not to win, but to take part"..."

Fat Britain

"You make me want to be a better bag."

'There's something about being locked up with a 500lb gorilla, highly allergic to cigarette smoke, that works every time.'

"This is your wake up call! It's 6:15 AM. The temperature is 57°. Have a pleasant day."

How to show some hustle.

'Get up or I'll send in gramma.'

"Are you talking to amoeba?"

'No thanks: I'm more of a sprinter than a jogger...'

"I'd like to lose 35%of me!"

Perks of self-employment.

"Wow, all the way from the couch. Have the endorphins kicked in?"

'It's not an actual motorcycle. It's an exercise bike. I made it look like one so my husband would actually use it.'