National Goof-off Day Pillows

Well, APPARENTLY mom isn't familiar with National Goof-Off Day!

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Thor! I am Thor! Ha. Just kidding. I'm Tom the Seagull."

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"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

Man painting over a 'You are here' sign.

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

Clown on bike.

Here and There Trays

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

Assault 'n' Vinegar

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

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'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

'Your shoe's untied.'

Fast food. Even faster food

'I couldn't think of a science fair project so I just re-invented the wheel.'

'Ok, here comes farmer Brown, put these on and remember.......act natural!'

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

The best financial decision I ever made.

'You know too much,'