Mystical Mentor Gifts

'You'll be having extensive dental surgery...'

Asking out a palm reader.

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

Buddhist photo albums,

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'This training session is all about challenging assumptions. For example you see someone looking depressed, dishevelled, unkempt it's easy to jump to conclusions. But they may not be a social worker, they may be a client!'

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''

'It started out as meditation, but now it's quiet desperation!'

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"Beware of start-ups with a negative cash flow."

'That line means good managerial skills!'

"Hear me, for the Lord has given me an exclusive."

Computer literate Monk

'I just feel so used all the time.'

"You say that life is suffering, but isn't it also complaining?"

Client-centered Therapy.

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

Psychic TV Guru & Cellular Phone Commercial Spin.

'...George isn't in right now, but you can email him at...'

"Before we make contact with the departed, be aware that all communications will be recorded and maybe used for training purposes."

Seance: That line is currently busy...would you care to keep holding?

God's lil' fix-it shop.

'Your, 'Never can come out in public' session is over. After I leave the room, you come out and slink away!'

Plugged In

Today's presentation - God's Miracles.

Change of Management - Fortunes Told

Addiction Research Centre.

the company is cutting back our team's training budget.'

'You know what's better than bubble wrap?'

Calendars before Jesus.

'This is goodbye, Goopta -- I've decided to make a career move to the Scientologists.'

"He apologizes for not contacting us during the previous session. The wi-fi was off in the hereafter."