Mystic Pup Pillows

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

'She broke up with me because I'm a stray and, thus, always have fleas!'

Ill next Thursday

Amateur Palmist

'Naughty boy, I see you clawing my curtains.'

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

Hog Futures

'Ha Ha! Stop seeing astrally and look behind you, Bob!'

"Okay brother Bickle, you can keep your underpants on"

'Well, I'll be darned! It looks like just a lot of the same old stuff from here on out for you.'

'I may charge a lot but you get much more through me. I'm a psychic large.'

"Your life will soon resemble a soggy old clump of leaves."

Dyslexic Palm Reading

The grim reaper (of humans) and the angel of death (for dogs) are foreshadowing the imminent death of a man and his doh.

'I called them, and told them what you were going to do tomorrow! '

"But the best thing about getting neutered, Gus, is that I'm finally able to focus on my novel-in-progress without any distractions!"

"Don't even think about trying to teach me tricks. I'm not some sideshow freak who's here for your sick amusement."

Mystic's Diary

Nostrildamus.

"I can see that in your past life you were also a gullible schmo easily taken in by charlatans."

'Close your eyes, stick your paw out and say 'Merry Christmas'.'

'My, my, don't we look fetching.'

"Covid again!"

'I've finished your horoscope, Bucky.'

'And here's something for the dog.'

'Frankly, I can't really see the future, but I will sniff your hand.'