Mystery Novelist T-Shirts

'Believe me, you don't want to know what's in it.'

"I have gathered you all here tonight to finally reveal which one of you killed Professor Sturm!"

'Oooh! How thrilling! A murder mystery!

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

Edgar Allen Poe

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

The DaVinci Code

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Reading my Critics

The Dorrie Decimal System

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Honoré de Balzac

Jean-Paul Sartre

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"Elementary, my dear Watson- the cartoonist did it."

John Bunyan

'Mysteries' section of bookshop reveals secret door.

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

Sue the Author 3PM

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

Iris Murdoch

"Author does not do tricks."