Mutt Matchmaker T-Shirts

"We should get together sometime and pee on things."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

Love a Mutt

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

Rock musician playing a dog as a guitar

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

Hair of the dog spots: christmas jumper

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

Match maker

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

Rescue dog rejecting potential owners

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Pucker up!

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

Sidekick speed matching service.

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'I don't know what he sees in her - she can't even freeze an embryo.'

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"I'd like to meet the algorithm that thought we'd be a good match."

Robert Macaire as a Matrimonial Agent

"Do they say that pets resemble their owners, or owners resemble pets?"