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How To Wash Your A**

Ancient Racing

M.T. accidentally triggers the predator pursuit response.

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Frank was certain his Bird of Paradise mating dance would press all the right buttons with Margaret.

Moses' Tablet

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

Saint George and the Drag Queen

'Yorick? No, I don't think so, unless of course he was a Neanderthal!'

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

Falstaff

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

TV jester.

On the brink.

Dolphin friendly tuna

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"This town ain't big enough for the proposed outlet shopping mall at Millet Creek Pass."

Wordplay: In The Bag.

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

...gon make you sweat...gon make you groove

Cat Burglar

Caption contest. After last year's 3,000 entries, we're doing it again! Visit Speedbump.com for info and send your entries to speedbumpcomic@comcast.net.

Cow's straw

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

I don't think I'm letting sunlight in when I open the curtains. I think the darkness is going out.

If humans instead of dinosaurs had lived when the big asteroid hit.

"Another flue shot, Larry.

Hamlet

New Flavors at Where's the Scoop Ice Cream

'No, Ben, making your eyes go bigger does not make the fish grow bigger!'

"What other tricks does he need?"

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

'You brought my slippers?... What kind of rescue dog are you?!'

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."