Music Therapy Enthusiast Pillows

"At our clinic we take a more 'radical' approach to ultrasound treatment."

'And now Patrick will tell us how music has helped him with his problems.'

Licensed Therapist

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"Don't you think it's time we talked about Operation Doug?"

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"Postwar is hell."

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

Couples' therapy

X-ray Psychology.

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

'I haven't been able to come to grips with it. My hands are too small.'

"Oops! I just deleted all your files. Can you repeat everything you've ever told me?"

"It's hard not to take a mutiny personally."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'We have three minutes left.'

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Shrinks in heaven

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'On the plus side, I give my thanks this Thanksgiving that I'm not a turkey. On the minus side...'

"You need to stop bottling it up."

Psychologist's receptionist to man: 'I'm afraid I cancelled your appointment - the doctor has decided you don't exist.'

Stockbroker and Psychotherapist: Money won't make you happy and therapy won't make you rich.

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'

A cartoonist at the doctor, in yoga, at home and in therapy

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."