Music Competition Judge Gifts

Tuning Up for the Air Guitar Competition

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

The Music Critic.

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

A singer being criticised

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

"The judges aren't too impressed!"

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

'He's judging our reserve pinot noir - five years to produce it, five seconds in his mouth.'

The battle of the pianos.

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

How's My Jiving?

'Sorry, I already have a Dancer.'

Smashed harp...

"It's witless, repetitive, and irritating. It's great!"

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

The critic as band leader

the world's first music critic...