Music Buff Pillows

'Don't interrupt - he's downloading another song.'

Language purists bring correctness to a whole new level, forcing a name change for Ireland's most famous band.

'I started whistling classic rock one day and now they won't leave.'

Doggy conductor

'At least I don't have his life.'

Homo Sapien, evolution

Car with enormous speakers, "I said, I love the speakers!"

'Have you got any hip-op?'

Stabbing an opera singer to hit the high notes.

"That is an outrageous slur."

'And that was that song again...you know, the one we've played like 12 times today already...sigh.'

Team Bass

'Cargill's not used to pro-bono cases - he thought that it meant representing Bono.'

Cloud Cuckoo Land, "Earnest's invite had lied about there being a live band"

Hamelin Folk Tunes.

McCartney art exhibition: 'The only reason they gave him the show is because he's got a famous daughter'

'Hi, I'm Beattie and this is my band, as requested.'

Wordilly Durdillies - Blue Suede Horse Shoes

'This next song's a little bluesy number about Ebola research.'

Stage-manager: 'Okay, you're on Benson. Break a String!'

'She sounds like your mother when you told her that you were going to marry me.'

Singer projecting her voice through a microphone.

'They all laughed when I sat down to play the piano...!'

Highest new entry in CD charts - HM Revenue & Customs

Piano Keyboard

Papagena from the Magic Flute

Queen of the Night from Magic Flute

Bell Hop

Soldiers in Tosca

"It's a petition to put Elvis up there!"

"All you need is love."

"Wow! - That's bland, derivative and sooo dull..! It's gonna make us millions!"

"Yes, I was up all night with the baby, but did I get any help?! Oh no, somehow, it's important that 'the lion sleeps tonight'!!"

Two musicians in pinstriped suits

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."