Municipal Manager Gifts

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

City Finance Dept: My Way/The Highway

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"He likes it."

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

My brilliant career

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"Today we are going to find out if you can that leap."

'Someone's got to do something about these pot-holes!'

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

'When I say we all need to make sacrifices, I, of course, didn't mean us.'

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

"Sure, money may be imaginary - but at least it's got everybody imagining it."

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

'I'm still not sure HOW it happened. One minute, we were bouncing ideas off each other, and the next thing I knew, we were using furniture instead!'

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

The state off graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my coleegues agree that there maths isn't much better!

Boss to employee: 'I'm downsizing your paycheck.'