Mundane Task Enthusiast Pillows

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

Homework Help and Homework Eaten Stands

'I try to go to the office once-a-week just to see how I'm doing.'

"Hola...I was wondering if you need your lawn mowed."

''No, Ma,am', I said. 'I'm not taking anybody's pet pig for a walk in a baby carriage' and then she doubled my salary.'

"And make it quick. I need those numbers yesterday – before last night's lottery draw."

"You will awaken and do some light filing, answer the phone, that sort of thing."

Everyone thinks they can do it

"I've decided to let you work from home, as long as you move in here and pay me rent."

Missing socks squad.

"On Monday, they will introduce a new office layout and you'll be near Judy, who isn't good at sharing her charger. Then you'll finish up a report on whether your client's edgy new marketing tactics have been resonating with the 18-34 demographic. The results will be inconclusive and your boss will say, 'Jared, there'll always be another Instagram-based influence strategy to review,' but she also takes a while to approve your annual leave request and you will suspect that the two are related."

The Non-erotic Adventures of Patty Williams

"If anyone calls, marge, I'm sitting right by the phone."

"Hold on – I was putting my card in upside down."

There's not a lot of call for 'serial' kid.

Chimney Sweep

'I make Swiss army knives.'

"We can't leave now - we'll miss the spin cycle!"

"This is Gerald - he puts on the rubber bands."

Teacher in front of freaked out class: 'And to let you know how irritating homework excuses are, we'll start each day with fingernails on the chalkboard.'

"Keep reading. I have to do a book report on that tomorrow."

"I told him stamp collecting is a dangerous hobby. His jaw got locked in a yawn."

"I may be a kid, but I'm a student, too! And students have needs! Desires! Rights! I will not allow those rights to be trampled upon by anyone...not even a teacher!"

'I want everybody to do their own homework. No crowdsourcing on this!'

"Why is Dad so old fashioned?"

Ribbons for Everyday Life: Cooked A Strange Vegetable, Ironed a Shirt, Remembered Her Name, Removed Rock From Shoe.

'I hired a gatherer to do some work around the cave.'

Divorcing the boring husband

"How much would you charge to get my husband to love taking out the garbage?"

Nuclear physicist (and other odd jobs).

'It was okay, but they sure impose a lot of deadlines!'

"Could you please bring me a doggy bag for my homework?"