Mundane Life Observer Pillows

"Wow, two hundred dryer sheets. Who will I even be two hundred dryer sheets from now?"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Life: play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, play, school, first love, brief happiness, breakup, regret, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, school, play, work, play, w

Life and Death

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

Bride is angry, as she notices that the groom figure on the cake is drunk.

'Oh no...I'm living the dream.'

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"He was much more effective in the field."

'Have you ever noticed that as you get older, your thin things get thicker and your thick things get thicker?'

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

Mice 25¢

Maternity Hospital

Sooner or later, 'These trying times' become 'The good ol' days'.'

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

"Your sister got another promotion."

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

Old Yarns

"Keep an eye on Old Bound Volume of Harpers. He's on the make."

"Better safe than sorry, son."

Chair massages.

"Auto reply: I am dead and will have limited access to e-mail."

Blogging Shoes

'Did you click and send the contents of 'Irving' into the world wide web of humiliation?'

Ten Commandments T-Shirt

Where the Wild things Aren't.

"May I air-quote you?"