Mummy Master Gifts

'You're so soft today. Did you switch to 2-ply?'

The Brothers Grime

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

A child at a museum starts to pull the wrappings off a mummy.

'I lost a fight with a mud puddle.'

"Stanley, this is a historic moment. We've discovered the world's longest kiss. Guinness Book of Records here we come!"

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

Curse or not, Dave had to pass this exam.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Pretty please stay asleep till the morning,'

Halloween Selfie

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

Can you mumble, mumble mumble? You're mumbling. What are you saying? I'm asking for your mumble, mumble. You're asking for my help? I can't get the word out. Can I get a little mumble? Mumble.

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"

'Can we get the corn that's already been chewed?!'

'I told you that 2 month old balonie was cursed!'

Archeologists discover Egyptian Computers.

The Day When The Curse Of The Mummy Lost It's Horror. . .

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"Call yourself a fortune teller? I've never even heard of the Cairo museum!"

'You've got swine flu and I think it's begun to mutate.'

"Unwrapping a mummy."

"Mummy!

'This bed comes with a remote monster-under-the-bed option.'

Museum.

'At milking time, I just love the soft hands of the new young farm hand: A nice change from old farmer John's...'

"Right kids, there's no camp and no vacation, but Mommy and I are super excited to make this summer our best ever!"

Today's Mothers Day!

'Shall I be Motherhood?'

"You never know what will catch on!"

Mummy Tourists

"That's perfect! The bloody door is too small!"

Bandaged hospital patient listening to music.

"If you need anything just wink."