Mozart Aficionado Gifts

"When I listen to Mozart, the numbers just seem to crunch themselves."

You're my Mona Lisa.

Copycats

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

"I call it 'Bad Dog.'"

Doctor examining Easter Island statue.

Cariactures

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

Anna Calvi

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

(Camel paintings)

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

German Expressionist Breakfast

Orchestra.

"Mr. Right!"

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"Well....I could've done this!"

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

Horti-Culture

Distractions Of The Great

"An unfortunate museum gift shop." "Banksy activity set." "Jackson Pollock coloring book." "MC Escher building blocks." "Claes Oldenburg miniatures." "Marceau Marceau CDs." "Seurat's connect-the-dots aaAAAAA."

Mozart on a computer,

"You've got those Stuck-in-the-Subway-Listening-to-a-Guy-Massacre-Dylan Blues."

Baroque Peacock

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

"You're my Mona Lisa."

Great works I plan to complete during the lockdown.

"The derby is better. That makes you look like Abraham Lincoln."

Spring Training

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."