Mothers-to-be Mugs

'My labor was a breeze! Nine minutes and out he came!'

"He wants a hunter, I want a gatherer."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

So … you do a lot of yoga?

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Mary, remember that you're pregnant and are now eating for 2,000.

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

In the DNA Kitchen

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"They look so young and helpless."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."