Mother Pillows

"I'd just like to know what in hell is happening, that's all! I'd like to know what in hell is happening! Do you know what in hell is happening?"

"It's my smallpox vaccine scar. . ."

"Son, your mother is a remarkable woman."

Russian Doll Christmas

"Son, your mother and I, Grandpa Jack, Grandma Kate, Uncle Danny, Aunt Sue, Grandpa Sy, Grandma Jenny, Cousin Rhonda, Tugger, and Sprinkles are gay."

"I always spend New Year's surrounded by loved ones."

"All you really need in life is the love of a good cat."

"Nonsense, Mother. You'll probably outlive us all."

When Moms Dance

"Mom sent us over while she gets the carpet cleaned."

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

"I had a bad dream that you were getting rest."

"Next Christmas, I drive the cattle, you go see Mom."

"It's true. You were actually born a beautiful princess, but you were given to us to be brought up... and there's not a damned thing you can do about it!"

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

Bad Mom Cards - Collect The Whole Set!

Women who Read Too Much

"They grow up too fast."

"I do support your right to free speech - I just don't support your tone."

Mother's day

"She does this when she's tired."

"How she's able to manage a career and still juggle her family, I'll never know."

"Then one day he said, 'It's either me or the damned cat!'"

A Day In The Kitchen

'Meet Mummy's new husband. We hope to realize a number of economies through this merger and ask for your patience during the transition period.'

M-Day

"Mom?"

'Sweetie, when we leave you every day with Sarah, we're doing it for you. That way we can have successful careers and you can be proud of us.'

"This is gonna hurt like hell."

Maternity Doors

"Let's play hide-and-I-read-my-book."

"I thought we had the sort of relationship where 'please' and 'thank you' were implicit."

"If your mother asks, we crossed at the corner."

"Tell us that really scary story again... the one about how they make chicken nuggets!"