Monster Mocker Prints

'The cross doesn't affect him. Let's try with a Star of David.'

The Adventures of God

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'If I don't chew this, my S.A.T. scores will skyrocket.'

'I've collected my memos into one reasonably priced gift book.'

"Less hair doesn't mean less work!"

The Nihilist Deli.

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

"Excuse me, Mr Newton, but some of the employees think that your promotion has gone to your head."

'Every man has his price, Peterson. I've decided yours is £2.75.'

"The beatings will continue until the morale improves!"

'Are you sure it's non-drowsy? I cannot afford to oversleep...'

Mismanagement Consultant.

'Please excuse my nurse -- this is her first day on the job.'

Mountain escalator.

Earplugs £2 a Pair

'Please, sir -- I appeal to your common humanity!'

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

"I like your paperweight, Watkins..."

"Just you wait until this firing freeze is over!"

"My wife says I bore people to death."

Arrogant OAP.

Memo to all departments: NO!

'Motivational poster,'

"So help me, Henderson, if you sing 'Row Row Row Your Boat' one more time..."

"If marriage is so great how come you never hear about simulated marriage?"

Of all the days to sleep in!

"Whatever you do in there all day is fine with me, so long as it's not writing a memoir."

'When you've seen one criminally violent, sex-filed horror play, you've seen the lot, I always say.'

'The reality is, if you should go on one of those shows, I doubt that TV viewers would accept you any better than I do!'

'Hmm...needs refining.'

'Leave me the figures on my voicemail... I never check it.'

'Hello, Mr Busino. I understand you're suffering from some drug side effects.'

'You can't fire me. I fired you.'