Mommy Mentor Pillows

'Congradulations, daddy! Daddy! Daddy!'

“They tease us for going together, but little do they know this is where we gather to plan the dismantling of the patriarchy.”

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

"And another thing: What's that strange clicking thing you do with your beak?"

"I'm here for the hair."

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

'You've changed since we got married.'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

'It wasn't premeditated.

'My wife's therapist doesn't understand me.'

Mums coffee morning

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

'Ask him where he goes every December 24th - because he won't tell me!'

"Sure your portfolio has taken a hit, but if you stay in the market for the long haul you'll be fine."

"I will refute my wife's allegations that I'm a work obsessed pedant with the aid of a slideshow presentation."

"The Momfia"

"Right kids, there's no camp and no vacation, but Mommy and I are super excited to make this summer our best ever!"

'Shall I be Motherhood?'

It's obvious anniversaries are the lynchpin of the big oil conspiracy. What? Husbands forget them. Which leads to wives pummeling them. Which leads to men making sure they don't forget again. All you had to do was mark it in your calendar! What do you think pens are made of? Pummeling will now commence.

'You act surprised.'

'Please don't interupt-we've only got 45 minutes.'

''D' is for 'Despair'; 'E' is for 'Exhaustion'.'

"Mom's left her phone here. We'll have to walk to the kitchen to tell her to get us dinner."

"The good news is, my son is a potential winner, bad news, I'm still buying his lottery tickets."

"You will awake feeling refreshed...."

Scenes from a successful marriage.

'Make it quick, Mom! I've got to get back and finish my mud pies.'

'Miron, stop teasing your brother this instant or I swear I will eat you! Don't think I won't! Remember what happened to your older brother Milton?!"

'I found enlightenement, and I still pull down my $250,000 per. What more can I ask?'

"i finally got around to reading the 'Having A Baby' books."

'Your, 'Never can come out in public' session is over. After I leave the room, you come out and slink away!'

"Just because I didn't tell you to shut up doesn't mean I wasn't listening."

'She ate it. I guess love does conquer all.'