Mommy Issues Navigator Pillows

"I think my mother makes a very good point about 'being your own man,' Mr. Wackendorf."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"Boy, that's what I call a maze."

'I don't like our new copier, it sliced my report into hundreds of tiny strips.'

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'God, quick! Give me the gift of the gab.'

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

Daisy Diaper Service

"Go about a foot and take a right, then it's the second left, no, no ... the third left, then straight …"

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"There's got to be an easier way to lie around the house."

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

"I know you're wrong, I just can't get the computer to say it yet."

'I'm tired of all the small talk.'

"No internet connection"

"After giving them the runaround for five minutes, pass them on to anger management."

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

'I was working on my online degree, until my computer went on sabbatical.'

"It took some figuring, but I think I figured out how to handle a temperamental teenager."

Triplets

"Why do they tell us not to be childish? We're only nine!"

Baby's high fibre diet

'Vocabulary doesn't seem that hard 'til you start trying to use it on girls.'

'Inverted nipple? I've never got a straw when I need one.'

"I handled his last adventure. You take this one."

"Mom wasn't impressed with my suggestion that we 'agree to disagree'."

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

"Awww....someone's done a pooping in their pants. How cute?"

Mother Love is Without Logic