Modesty Mavens Pillows

"He's so ostentatious about how un-ostentatious he is."

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

Medieval headlines.

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

'I wasn't responding well to the pills but my doctor finally got my mood stabilized.'

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

Mass Confucian

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

Department de Philosophie

The Little Engine that Faced a Tough Moral Dilemma.

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

"We at Megacorp are very supportive of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazcylone' to enhance the experience."

"Here's a free tip for you, kid: learn how to brood. Most people in the world mistake it for depth."

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

"Possible side effects include disharmony, lack of oneness, and blurred third-eye vision."

"If you're happy and you know it, stick with your dosage."

Grump Horse and Rider

"Death is bad" - Confucius as a child.

The lame stuff you listen to (yes, you)

Space Turkey Aliens visit a family on Thanksgiving.

'She's so posh, she can make her wind sound like Verdi's 'Requiem'.'

"Oh look - a Bauhaus Bird Box."

"I am wearing the new bikini you saw...unfortunately, my father saw it too, and made me wear this over it!"

'It's rude to talk to someone with your sunglasses on - they can't see your . . er . . limpid pools of loveliness.'

'If my phone is a smart phone, is your wall phone a dumb phone?'

Psychological Umbrella

'There were bound to be some objectors.'

"Finally a bit of privacy."

'Just in case I forget it, I keep my mantra on my Ipod.'

'I don't actually do evil any more. I lobby congressmen.'

Ladies using thier cage crinolines as bathing machines