Modesty Mavens Pillows

"He's so ostentatious about how un-ostentatious he is."

"A Bill of Rights? - Don't you TRUST me?"

Medieval headlines.

'No-one buys these stylish frames for their eyes, usually it's for their Facebook photo's.'

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

'We're able to cut back on legal fees by being more ethical.'

'I wasn't responding well to the pills but my doctor finally got my mood stabilized.'

"I knew there was something wrong when he stopped reading the obituaries."

Mass Confucian

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

Department de Philosophie

The Little Engine that Faced a Tough Moral Dilemma.

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

"Here's a free tip for you, kid: learn how to brood. Most people in the world mistake it for depth."

"We at Megacorp are very supportive of spiritual and artistic therapies which is why we've developed 'megazcylone' to enhance the experience."

'I can't take off my clothes - I'm Missouri Synod Lutheran!'

"Possible side effects include disharmony, lack of oneness, and blurred third-eye vision."

"If you're happy and you know it, stick with your dosage."

Grump Horse and Rider

Space Turkey Aliens visit a family on Thanksgiving.

"Death is bad" - Confucius as a child.

Good study habits based on honesty will serve you well all your life! Employers look for trustworthy people who don't cheat! Values Assembly. Who's she talking about? It sure doesn't apply to me. I'm going to be a hedge fund manager. Yeah? Well, I'm headed to Hollywood!

'She's so posh, she can make her wind sound like Verdi's 'Requiem'.'

Look at all our kids' clothing! Sneakers made in Vietnam. Pants from China. Sweaters from Thailand. Sports gear from Macau! They don't need so much stuff!! One obvious rule will stop all this consumerism. Good idea! Kids! From now on

The lame stuff you listen to (yes, you)

How's your mood this week, Al? I'm happy as a clam, doctor. Great. Let me ask you something: The last time you saw a clam, how happy did he appear to be?

"Oh look - a Bauhaus Bird Box."

'If my phone is a smart phone, is your wall phone a dumb phone?'

'Just in case I forget it, I keep my mantra on my Ipod.'

'It's rude to talk to someone with your sunglasses on - they can't see your . . er . . limpid pools of loveliness.'

"Finally a bit of privacy."

"I am wearing the new bikini you saw...unfortunately, my father saw it too, and made me wear this over it!"

'There were bound to be some objectors.'

Psychological Umbrella

'I don't actually do evil any more. I lobby congressmen.'