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THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

"I just never 'think I can' anymore."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

Online Dating

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

"What did Jesus order?"

"Now here's a tale that'll make you hair stand on end"

"Me Tarzan. You CGI."

Alice in Wonderland - The Pig Baby.

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

Queen says: 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall ... 'It's all so subjective' is not an acceptable answer.'

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

William Tell

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

Fairy tale

'I thought you were going for a walk in the woods. Your porridge has been cooling on the table for hours! '

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

'What does the tooth fairy do with all those teeth?'

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

(Mother Goose: playboy's Mirthful Master of the Macabre serves Up Some Strange Twists On a Clutch of Children's Classics.) "Is this supposed to be somebody's idea of a joke?"

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'