Modern Romantics Pillows

"Interesting. Have your lawyer call my lawyer."

"Please listen carefully to the available options."

'Allow me to place this glass flip-flop on your foot, Cinderella.'

Romeo and Juliet 2.0

"Marry you?�Don't be so deeply unfashionable."

Status Update

A princess looking for frogs

"I'm experimenting with an arrow that dramatically lowers expectations."

Right click for yes...

Moms on tinder

"Katia, I know that with the right combination of therapy and medication I could have a committed relationship with you."

Strategies that will always work

"I don't know how to tell you this to your face, so I'm texting you."

'If anyone objects to this marriage, let them now speak, text, email, tweet...'

Wedding nose ring

"If you want the princess to marry the prince and live happily ever after, swipe right. If you want..."

Please Accept this Ring...

'What did you expect? The real thing's never going to live up to virtual sex.'

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

'Now that looks like a guy I could go through a prenup process with.'

Skateboarding Prince Charming

"He stole from the rich and gave to his girlfriends."

Sleeping Beauty 2.0

"To meet the girl of your dreams, swipe right on the lamp."

Damn predictive text, did you mean to break up with me or 'brick my tit'?"

"It was a double ring ceremony. Both our phones rang."

"She'll be down in a minute. She's still charging."

"Love me, Tinder; love me, do. . ."

A bow and arrow is so 18th-century

Captain Ahab receives a Dick pic

The Couple who bought complete services for twelve, including dinner plates, luncheon plates, salad plates, soup bowls. . . .Out of Wedlock

"What's the saying? 'An Amazon gift card is a girl's best friend.'"

"Gee, you smell good. What are you wearing?" "Pepper spray."

Plato seeking platonic love on Tinder

"We've elected to uninstall our wedding vows."