Modern Romancer Pillows

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

'Jenny.Schwartz@procom.net...meet Andrew626@aol.com.'

After #metoo

Right click for yes...

"I gotta be me!"

"Mr. Right!"

Online Dating

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"You may now kiss the bride."

Technology and Love

'-and the ceremony,dearest,your place or mine?'

Spooning

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Take my hand, my love, and come with me to the cabin, where we can explore each other's naked bodies for ticks."

"I'd love to spend more time with you, Jason, but you're not on my fall schedule."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

Dancing to Mobile Tunes

"I was surprised myself, but living apart, seeing other people, and having virtually nothing to do with each other actually has made our marriage stronger."

"Do you promise to love, laugh and send cute pics of the cats even if you're just in the next room?"

The wedding party take selfies at a wedding

'Darling, how romantic...a pre-nup.'

"Please listen carefully to the available options."

"I never turn into a prince on a first date."

"Are there any available upgrade options?"

"I love it when you quote my blog back to me."

"To meet the girl of your dreams, swipe right on the lamp."

'We don't text anymore.'

'One question, Vicar. Is it bad luck to invite any of the other people we're sleeping with?'

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"