Modern Psychologist Pillows

"Siri, are Charlie’s parents to blame for his neurosis?"

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Thinking Gears

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

The Googler

Interdisciplinary studies.

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

Four Types of Test-Takers...

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Screen Time vs Book Time

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"More quarters! For God's sake, more quarters!!"

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

Fleeting illusions of happiness hour 5-7

"You're completely screwed up."

'Don't worry about the thumb sucking...she'll be texting with it soon enough.'

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"The first step is admitting you're a dog."

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

What every man thinks to himself when he puts on a pink shirt.