Modern Parenting Navigator Gifts

"And God, please give clothes to all those poor naked girls on daddy's computer."

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"He just said his first word!"

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"I made the mistake of telling him that the world is his canvas."

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

'Have you googled me to see how old I was when I was born?'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'I don't care if an app on your phone is monitoring you, you still need a baby sitter when your father and I are gone.'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

Phone Mittens

'Sending someone to his room was a punishment when I was a kid.'

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?..."

"Santa said to stop making toys. From here on out we'll be making computers and phones. Does anyone know anything about technology?"

"We're going to start with the birds and the bees and then work our way up to the new reproductive technologies."

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'