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Submarine Sees Jesus Walking on Water

2021

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"The prostate biopsy shows your pain threshold is much higher than normal."

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"The first one's just a warning."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

Robodoc... the NHS surgeon of the future.

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

Tiny Visions

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'Grandma, does the hospital charge by the pound when people have babies?'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent ten years at medical school and another 20 honing my skills..."

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

"I know — but he was nervous and his support dog didn’t seem to mind."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

'It's not easy being fabulous and caretaking.'

'Yeah, the radiology job market is really hot right now - it's so hot I think I'm getting third degree burns! I gotta go!'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'I only got up for a drink of water, and a queue's formed next to my bed.'

"That new antibiotic seems to be working. Time to evolve again."

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"Jerry's blood pressure jumped to a six month high on News of the dollar's weakness."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

'My obstetrician recommended I nurture it in the interest of science.'