Modern Masculinity Observer Pillows

"Enough about my penis. What's new with the ol' vagina?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

Gas: Regular/Hi-Test/Testosterone

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"Sipsies?"

'Just because the alignment of the system wasn't maintained during rapid sample exchange, it's no threat to your manhood.'

After hours TV.

"You're holding a lot of homophobia in your lower back."

A man outside of gents toilet sees sign: New Men - With Baby changing facilities.

"Which one more says 'Cool Guy?'"

"You've been charged with driving under the influence of testosterone."

'Well, I'm not telling him off. He might be armed.'

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

Crocodile Tie

"...And my Dad never gave me his approval. Which is why I try so had to be a perfect male specimen."

"It's not a fitness fad. They don't want to lose connectivity."

'Are they street legal, and do you have some insecurity thing going on?'

"Clothes, hell. It's the desk that makes the man."

Men's Fragrances

'Sure you can cry if you want to. Crying is right near the top of our 'acceptable behavior' list.'

"You don't often see a policeman on the street these days."

"Dear, do you think you may have become too comfortable with your masculinity?"

Macho fishing.

Happy Birthday

"Actually I prefer contactless!"

'I couldn't put it down.'

'You better believe that a critique of this lousy date is going up on Facebook.'

"Yeah, it's great, we live in an age when we can speak openly about erectile dysfunction."

"Studly"?