Masculinity Critic Pillows

"Know what I like about you Randy? You're a real man."

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

Vendor selling testosterone.

Gas: Regular/Hi-Test/Testosterone

Early Man Late Man

Daily Routine

"Real men cry these days....."

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

'My dad is pushing me to become an alpha male, but frankly, I'd rather be a poet...'

"Good game.". . ."Good game.". . . "Nice game.". . . "Good game.". . . "I'm in love with you.". . . "Good game."

"I hate shaking hands with him, he always squeezes as hard as he can!"

Man calling Phone Privacy Centre

I just bought a new Kindle Voyage. It's much better than my Kindle Paperwhite. Blasphemy, little buddy. A real man lugs around a paperback that he's milled from a fallen Redwood that he lifted off of a baby deer, before reuniting the fawn with its mother. I bought if off of Amazon. I didn't even use "one-click." I used the shopping cart and chose all the options manually. Almost as impressive. I keep it old-school.

A beach has meters.

"I medicate first and ask questions later."

Medical Bracelet

"You've been charged with driving under the influence of testosterone."

"Power! Power!"

'Real Sex is consensual non-cyber + includes conversation.'

"That's an interesting question, Clint. I don't know if my gun rack is an authentic regionalism or just a macho affectation."

"...And my Dad never gave me his approval. Which is why I try so had to be a perfect male specimen."

Crocodile Tie

'Are they street legal, and do you have some insecurity thing going on?'

"I forgot to call in dead."

I saw that! Saw what? You just had tears in your eyes. The end of the movie made you cry! Did not. Why not just admit it? What's the big deal? It was a sad movie and you cried. It happens to everyone. You think you're above normal emotions? Are you better than the rest of us?! No. Fine, okay. It was sad. Maybe my eyes were a little moist. Girly man! Look at the crying girly man! Can't win.

Kingdom of Heaven- Exact Change Only

"Look, a shooting star- let's critique it!"

"I have to take it back to the shop and throw it away."

Men's Fragrances

Escalator Diving Board

'You go ahead. We'll rejoin you when you start using new technology.'

'Sure you can cry if you want to. Crying is right near the top of our 'acceptable behavior' list.'