Modern Life Critics T-Shirts

Frank peels away civilizations fragile veneer and, much to his surprise, discovers beautiful hardwood floors underneath.

"This whole forest is getting unbearably gentrified."

Liposuction Drive Thru

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.

The Evolution Of Man.

"You are still here."

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

"It's a mixed-use facility: retail space, low-rent housing, luxury apartments, and an area set aside for making steel."

Snowman Driver

Down With Wikipedia

Daily Routine

"Tarzan no want computer."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Early Man Late Man

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

'I can remember when paranoia was unusual.'

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

Our Troubled Chowders

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'