Modern Inconvenience Observer Pillows

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"If you want to know why I fired you, you can subscribe to my blog."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Maternity Hospital

Mice 25¢

You Know You're Old When...

"Your sister got another promotion."

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

Old Yarns

"Since I no longer trust the media. I get all my news from hysterical people on the street."

"Better safe than sorry, son."

"Auto reply: I am dead and will have limited access to e-mail."

"This article says that the number of elderly living with their children is rising..."

"I got a dog as a replacement child."

Blogging Shoes

Ten Commandments T-Shirt

'Hi, it's me, my therapist said I should communicate more...'

'Did you click and send the contents of 'Irving' into the world wide web of humiliation?'