Modern Inconvenience Observer Pillows

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"Of course, the actual honey is all made overseas."

Fire hydrant with regular or sparkling water

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"No, it's not codependency. The neediness is just in one direction."

"He was much more effective in the field."

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

"Closing averages on the human scene were mixed today. Brotherly love was down two points, while enlightened self-interest gained a half. Vanity showed no movement, and guarded optimism slipped a point in sluggish trading. Over all, the status quo remained unchanged."

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Maternity Hospital

Mice 25¢

Waiting Room

You Know You're Old When...

"If you want to know why I fired you, you can subscribe to my blog."

All You Can Tweet Restaurant.

"Your sister got another promotion."

"It was a scary few minutes but now I'm making a fortune as a motivation speaker."

Old Yarns

I have a video phone and I'm not afraid to use it.

"Someone just pinched my mobile phone"

"Since I no longer trust the media. I get all my news from hysterical people on the street."

"Better safe than sorry, son."

"Auto reply: I am dead and will have limited access to e-mail."

"I got a dog as a replacement child."

"This article says that the number of elderly living with their children is rising..."

Blogging Shoes

'Did you click and send the contents of 'Irving' into the world wide web of humiliation?'

Ten Commandments T-Shirt

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'