Modern Gadgets Gifts

'Removing the phone is easy. Getting your head and arms to their original positions will take weeks of physical therapy.'

Digital or analog elevators.

"Please—no technology questions!"

"This allowance is so last version. Is there an upgrade I can download?"

'There's nothing on.'

Do not abuse the Lawn

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

"The Heretic" - Imitation log fire

The dangers of modern technology.

"You couldn't possibly hit that many homes in one night. Not without drones."

21st Century Childhood Pranks.

Customer help - jargon talking i-diot.

"Lemonade App: $1"

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

"Fresh pepper?"

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"The good old days of eating the washing off the line are all gone methinks: The farmer has bought an electric dryer..."

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

'Not that net!'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

Dog Walking Services

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"After the show, I'll be autographing any computer or phone screens where my albums are streamed."

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

'Can our software do that?'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

Hiding the electronics.

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

"Nope, I still only have one bar."