Modern-day Moses Prints

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Can you get them on an e-reader?'

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

Weird things I do because of the internet

Ruddy bloggers!

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Who can we call?"

"I have an app for that."

The ten ammendments

'Ok, give me your username & password one more time.'

Unicorn in the Woods

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

10 Commandments if God was a Woman...

"Your grandma and I have decided to live together."

"All the better to ignore you with."

"Is there an audio edition?"

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

Dark Clouds

"Hi, my name is Daniel. And I am Thor..."

You Have 1 New Messages

'To redeem your wishes, fill out all required fields, including username and password.'

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

'Oh-oh †the Snake's telling Eve about cloning!'

'I'm told the natives are quite technologically advances here - they worship Mark Zuckerberg.'

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

'I think it's called RED!'

"Yeah, I'm the Tooth Fairy. But you're gonna have to take a check."

"Were the 'Trolls' internet trolls?"

Tooth Fairy

"I just pick a new one each season. How else would you get a new Apple?"

"It was the best of Starbucks. It was the worst of Starbucks."

Moses crosses the Grand Central Parkway

David and Goliath(?)

Moses with the Ten Commandments on a Ski Lift