Modern-day Moses Prints

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'Can you get them on an e-reader?'

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

Weird things I do because of the internet

Ruddy bloggers!

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Who can we call?"

"I have an app for that."

The ten ammendments

'Ok, give me your username & password one more time.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

Unicorn in the Woods

"Your grandma and I have decided to live together."

'The computer can talk to terminals all over the country. Bentley thinks it's talking about him.'

Dark Clouds

"All the better to ignore you with."

"Is there an audio edition?"

"Hi, my name is Daniel. And I am Thor..."

You Have 1 New Messages

'To redeem your wishes, fill out all required fields, including username and password.'

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

'Oh-oh †the Snake's telling Eve about cloning!'

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Yeah, I'm the Tooth Fairy. But you're gonna have to take a check."

Tooth Fairy

"I just pick a new one each season. How else would you get a new Apple?"

"Were the 'Trolls' internet trolls?"

"It was the best of Starbucks. It was the worst of Starbucks."

Moses crosses the Grand Central Parkway

David and Goliath(?)

Moses with the Ten Commandments on a Ski Lift

"...and I'm saying we would've been here a lot quicker if we had used the SatNav rather than follow that stupid star."