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Pastoring for Dummies

Monk Prompt

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

Gates of heaven

'Let there be cool.'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

Vicar - Virtuous Reality

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

Two of everything on Noah's ark.

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

'I downloaded them from heaven.'

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Here's the state of the art gym, here's the coffee bar and internet cafe ... oh, yeah - and this little thing over here is the new sanctuary.'

'Yeah, I'm an atheist - and a damn good one.'

'We're gonna skip the theatrics today and get right into the Word ...'

'Which father is the father?'

Progressions.

Henry Manning

'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'

Kicking Out The Jams On A Friday Night With The Sisters Of Doo-Wop

Exorcism and Other Jobs.

'He's not too swift with the rest of the commandments, but he does rest on Sundays.'

'New Charismatic'

'Nobody ever said that being a youth pastor would be EASY.'

"I've never seen the congregation praying this hard."

"And do please remember to visit our online confession service."

Knitting.

"Sorry—that's the screen saver."

Evangelist and dog trainer extraordinaire, Ernie Gumbromowitz.