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Pastoring for Dummies

Monk Prompt

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

Gates of heaven

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'Let there be cool.'

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

Vicar - Virtuous Reality

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'The reading is from my brand new mobile phone.'

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

Two of everything on Noah's ark.

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

'I downloaded them from heaven.'

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

'Here's the state of the art gym, here's the coffee bar and internet cafe ... oh, yeah - and this little thing over here is the new sanctuary.'

'Which father is the father?'

Progressions.

'We're gonna skip the theatrics today and get right into the Word ...'

'Yeah, I'm an atheist - and a damn good one.'

Henry Manning

'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'

Exorcism and Other Jobs.

"I've never seen the congregation praying this hard."

Kicking Out The Jams On A Friday Night With The Sisters Of Doo-Wop

'New Charismatic'

'Nobody ever said that being a youth pastor would be EASY.'

'He's not too swift with the rest of the commandments, but he does rest on Sundays.'

"And do please remember to visit our online confession service."

Knitting.

Cort, I'm ready to be a person of faith, it's totally hip. I'm ready to get my religion on. I'm down with the divine, you know what I'm saying? I want to get inizzle with the lordizzle. I must pray now.

"Sorry—that's the screen saver."