Modern Dating Observers Pillows

'She won't go out with me, but she'll talk to me on the phone for $1.95 A minute.'

Selfie Stick

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

You won't believe what happens in circle 6!! Dante's Inferno updated.

Mice 25¢

Maternity Hospital

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

"Daddy says God created Eve out of Adam´s spare credit card!"

"Better safe than sorry, son."

Cupid gives up trying to get cell phone-using couple together.

'Your credit card or mine?'

"It's unbelievable to get kicked out of paradise because of one lousy apple... But wait, I'll give you a really bad rating for that, buddy!"

"They don't play Mummies and Daddies these days-now its Wife Swappies!"

After hours TV.

"If they say 'Rubensesque' in their profile, they mean they're a Botero."

Today, it's chic to be cheap.

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

Nerd night out.

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

Carol sensed some negative vibes from her date when he pulled out a laptop and began perusing other women's profiles.

"This one's different, mummy, he wants me for my brain."

Narcissus 2020

'Hi, I'm Sheldon, and I want to speak to you about perception management!'

"I've lost touch with my roots, so I'm flying to Omaha but I'll be back Monday."

"We need to text about our relationship."

"I like you, but only in a Facebook thumbs up kind of way."

"Now that's what I call a 'holy in the wall'".

I like the cut of your jib. Okay, full disclosure time: I have a pretty sick jib fetish. ? ?

"It was love at first sight. She married him without even googling him!"

"Sorry, but I never give more than a peck on the cheek on a first date."

Will pull fire alarm so you can ditch your online date.

'I'd be willing to settle for a 'Mr. Wrong' who's trainable.'

Desert island 'Help' cards