Modern Dating Observers Pillows

'She won't go out with me, but she'll talk to me on the phone for $1.95 A minute.'

Selfie Stick

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Mice 25¢

Maternity Hospital

"Daddy says God created Eve out of Adam´s spare credit card!"

'Gosh, Cindylou, you can't judge a guy solely on how he eats spaghetti!'

'Dang it! The gals out here leave little to a feller's imagination.'

"Better safe than sorry, son."

"They don't play Mummies and Daddies these days-now its Wife Swappies!"

After hours TV.

Today, it's chic to be cheap.

"If they say 'Rubensesque' in their profile, they mean they're a Botero."

'Your credit card or mine?'

"It's unbelievable to get kicked out of paradise because of one lousy apple... But wait, I'll give you a really bad rating for that, buddy!"

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

"We need to text about our relationship."

"I've lost touch with my roots, so I'm flying to Omaha but I'll be back Monday."

Narcissus 2020

"This one's different, mummy, he wants me for my brain."

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

Nerd night out.

'Hi, I'm Sheldon, and I want to speak to you about perception management!'

"Now that's what I call a 'holy in the wall'".

"Sorry, but I never give more than a peck on the cheek on a first date."

'I'd be willing to settle for a 'Mr. Wrong' who's trainable.'

Last Stage of Human Evolution wonders "Where's my TV?"

Desert island 'Help' cards