Modern Dating Detective T-Shirts

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

'Let's do lunch.'

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

"Before we take this any further, I'd like us to open about our internet history."

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

"I'm guessing it's too soon in the relationship for me to totally creep you out."

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

"Hola! Tia Carmen's psychic hotline! Can I tell you where your lousy cheating boyfriend is right now?"

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'

"I'm so shallow."