Modern Art Ponderer T-Shirts

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Convenience.

"Now that was post-modern sex."

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

The Cremaster Cycle

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'Sophie has discovered Gehry.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

"Now, is this the kind of painting your Mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

"Their titles from left to right are, 'Holiday in Palm Springs','Next mortgage payment' and 'Deposit on a new Porsche'

'I have one just like this at home. My five year old son painted it.'

The Abstract, The Modernist, The Avant-Guard.

Metropolitan Art Center current exhibit: Father of the Finger-In-Your-Eye School of Modern Art.

'Picasso'

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."

A man looking at a piece of art through a phone camera

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"