Modern Art Ponderer T-Shirts

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Convenience.

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

The Cremaster Cycle

"Now that was post-modern sex."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'Sophie has discovered Gehry.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Still-Life of New Mexican Grilled Quail with Cilantro and Fennel-Flecked Confit."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

"Their titles from left to right are, 'Holiday in Palm Springs','Next mortgage payment' and 'Deposit on a new Porsche'

'I have one just like this at home. My five year old son painted it.'

The Abstract, The Modernist, The Avant-Guard.

"Now, is this the kind of painting your Mommy would be proud to post on her Instagram?"

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."

"I don't dare take him near the De Kooning exhibit!"

Francoise Gilot

Metropolitan Art Center current exhibit: Father of the Finger-In-Your-Eye School of Modern Art.

Prehistoric Modern Art

'Picasso'