Modern Art Muncher Pillows

'I've spent a fortune wining and dining you today Julie and now you tell me you love Picasso!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Klimt Kiss Phones

"You're welcome."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

Full English Breakfast.

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

The Cremaster Cycle

'Wait, this isn't Monet's garden, it's Mondrian's.'

'At least I never have to straighten it out.'

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

Pouring all emotion into his art, Pablo had none left for his face.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

"I thought I'd add a punch line."

"Typical venue, just providing male washroom facilities!"

"She said it has a blistering fervency that reminds her of a slide."

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'