Modern Art Buff T-Shirts

Doctor says to Magritte character with apple in face: 'I'm afraid you've got worms.'

"Worse than giant clothespins, Ralph - Bauhaus designed alligators!"

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"What does it mean? I'm just the guard here...the colors move from cold to warm tones, signaling a gradual release from the stress of the diagonal."

Edouard Manet

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"Well....I could've done this!"

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'Projectile painting.'

Klimt Kiss Phones

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

"You're welcome."

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Picasso: The Early Years

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Cats at private view

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

Jackson Pollock Studio

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

Tina Turner

The Cremaster Cycle

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

"Feel better, dear?"

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'