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"Please take care of my brick."

"You're welcome."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"Well....I could've done this!"

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Klimt Kiss Phones

'Projectile painting.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

Pharaoh Cocoon

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

Picasso: The Early Years

Cats at private view

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

Jackson Pollock Studio

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

"Feel better, dear?"

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

"Sometimes, Cheryl, I wonder why you only invite me along to cocktail parties."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

The Cremaster Cycle

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

Art Gallery.