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"Please take care of my brick."

"You're welcome."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"Well....I could've done this!"

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Klimt Kiss Phones

'Projectile painting.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

Pharaoh Cocoon

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

Jackson Pollock Studio

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

Jackson Pollock: abstract; Picasso: cubism; Bobby: eight year old

Picasso: The Early Years

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

"Swiping won't cut it sonny-boy, you have to physically walk to the next painting."

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

Cats at private view

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

Pouring all emotion into his art, Pablo had none left for his face.

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

The Cremaster Cycle

Art Gallery.

"I'll give you $5 for that shirt."

Limerick On A Grecian Urn

'Wait, this isn't Monet's garden, it's Mondrian's.'