Mock Market Maverick T-Shirts

"He's been on a power trip since his fantasy stock portfolio outperformed Warren Buffett's actual portfolio."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"States of tofu"

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'Ms Simpson, I believe I've finally done it. I've written the Great American Memo.'

"I'm as progressive as they come, except for my money. No one touches my money."

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

We need to put more money into Lithuanian sardine futures...I think that warrants bonuses all around!

'I want ideas so bold, so wildly innovative, so undeniably brilliant that they retain a shred of originality after everyone picks them to pieces.'

Dow Jones drop

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

Targets.

His temperature appears to rise and fall with the FT index

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

"He's not sleeping. He always dims his display while downloading data."

"Every now and then, I find myself in a room filled with people who are wrong."

"Since I am chairman, it behooves me to go first. 'What I Did Over My Summer Vacation,' by Wilson Rupert Hewes."

'Who wants the talking stick?'

'The market shifted on me.'

"Jerry's blood pressure jumped to a six month high on News of the dollar's weakness."

Vulture sitting over a plummeting graph.

"My name's Edwin, and I'm addicted to risk."

'If you must know... I got the ten-million-dollar bonus this year because... instead of losing 15-million-dollars, we could of possibly lost much, much more!'

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"Who ordered the bravest tuna on all the seven seas, anointed with the spice of faraway lands, on wheat toast?"

"Which way up do you want it?"

"Anything goes today: I want this to be a free and open discussion of my entrenched positions."

The Contrarian funds

'What do you mean your telling me, 'stash it under the bed' is your best advice in the current financial climate?'

The two faces of capitalism.

Got out of the market too soon; got back in too late.