Mobile Awareness Advocate Pillows

Texting kills

"This isn't helping my migraine."

Our college is tuned to the students' every need! Campus Visits. We have body image awareness week. Safe sex awareness week. Bullying, drug use and tolerance awareness weeks. What did I miss? Welcome. History, math or English awareness week? Great idea. I'll suggest that.

Getting to the ER saved my life...early retirement.

'You're not retaining water. You're retaining cookies and ice cream and pizza...'

This week is obscure charity awareness week.

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

Zika global alert

So doctor, what you're saying is that all the time I thought she was a crazy cat lady, it was me who had mental health issues...

Bubbling

'I'm getting a head start for Movember.'

Elderly lady being pulled up an out-of-order stair lift by her pet dog.

Sewer Rats

"In short, then, I'm looking for a job that matches my sense of entitlement!"

"Wait … where’s Chicken Little? And who is ‘Kim Jong Un’?"

National #@*&%!$@? Tourettes Institute *&%!$

Olympic flame sending postcard - 'Wish I wasn't here.'

'Your lab tests are back. Your cholesterol, triglycerides, and ego are all too high.'

"Yes, I do treat patients with memory loss, but I insist that they pay in advance."

"Light at the end of the tunnel!|

"In some ways it'll be a relief when the obesity time-bomb does finally go off."

'Reinventing myself.'

'OK, who wants to be a hero?'

'I said my hormones are playing up again! Why don't you pay attention?'

'Why missionary-themed!restaurants 'usually fail.'

"I must be getting old, my feet hurt even before I get out of bed in the morning!"

Opium Den 2019

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

'Just look on the positive side Mr. President - you've single-handedly united the world!!'

"The Hendersons say they've got Covid. Is that still a thing?"

Transmitting Swine Flu.

Just to see the expression on their faces, store clerk Rodney Clatch liked to offer senior discounts to 40-something women.

"Staff, we're having a Cinco de Mayo sale this year!"

'Are you willing to release your medical records?'

'There's already an aids quilt... the committee thought it would be a good idea if the club made a syphilis quilt.'