Mistaken Identity Aficionado T-Shirts

"Sorry, I don't work here."

"En guard!!"

"Yup, pretty sure that was a flying squirrel."

"I'm Rapunzel. You want Juliet – next tower over."

A Transformer for grownups

Incognito Bonito - 'I don't know me, but I do know you!'

"Actually, Sally, my name isn't Mrs. Santa Claus... It's Barb. I'm not defined by my husband."

"Are you feeling okay, Dennis? Your obituary is in the paper."

Which One is Pulling Out?

". . . But, hey, man, I just want to say this in all sincerity, man, that you are the greatest, man, you the el numero uno cat in my book, man you. . ."

Happy-Go-Lucky-Father-Of-Two-Avid-Golfer-Longtime-Magnetic-Tape-Salesman-Kiwanis-Member or Thomas Pynchon?

"Take it. It's the dress code."

Secret Identity Theft.

'My Goodness! All these years George and I never guessed you were a superhero.'

'Hang on a minute - you're not my husband!'

'I'm tired of politicians ignoring me -- I want to have my name legally changed to 'Joe Six-Pack.''

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

"I'll tell you my gender if you tell me yours."

181 yeard old, huh? This is the worst fake I.D. I've ever seen. And that beard! Ha! Nice try, Mr.... Uhh... 'Van Winkle.'

"Which one more says 'Cool Guy?'"

'We transformed our lives for the better.'

'Didn't I read your last book, find it absolutely disgusting and vow never to read another, or was that someone else?'

'... and then Peter was Mr. McGregor...'

"Which one of us is me?"

Frankenstein "Damn it! Not another ethic origin questionaire"

Millennial

I Was Married to Banksy.

Name

To: Rudy Park. From: Lemont Brown. Hey Rudy, it's me. Long time no talk. How are you these days? Lemont? From Berkeley? Tap tap tap tap. Yeah. Man … Putnam Hall 1993. Those were the days. What ever happened to our roommate Ken? Tap tap tap tap tap tap. Divided Airlines. Divided Airlines. You know, that freak who was always writing articles about "news" and junk for the school paper ... That MORON who didn't know a Gameboy from a GameGear ... That big baby whose mommy was always calling to check

"I'm trying to decide between a cocktail with a cute name and one that's blatantly sexual."

'If Larry didn't stay in touch with his imaginary childhood friends, he wouldn't have any clients at all.'

Valerie thrived in an internet community that had no idea she was a chicken...

'I'm not a hawk or a dove. I'm a dog!'

'I love how you're not like everyone else. Oh, sorry, I thought you were my wife.'

"I was born a doughboy but I identify as a crescent roll."